Independence Day.........

Why is it considered normal  in India that we don't celebrate our independence day...Surely you are not telling me that having a national holiday and sitting in front of our televisions is celebrating...Have we ever wished anybody "Happy Independence Day"... Is it even possible for us to wish someone 'Happy Independence Day '  in our country without attracting a strange look... This is what we are teaching our next generation...The responsibility is our's...but the Govt can also help...I think Government should take the responsibility to bring together in each city...Is not independence day a celebration of independence by people...Our leaders go hoist the flag with a march from NCC 0r NSS or school kids and go home.But gone are the days when people gathered to see the political leaders hoisting the flag...nowadays it's just party members who want to see their  leaders...So Govt can take the following actions to ensure that public attend these functions and enjoy themselves and introduce the culture of celebration...Public functions should be organised in each city....After flag hoisting there should be attractive celebrations, food of good quality and great quantity, Cultural entertainment programs(procure a couple of cine stars if you have to), Drinking water and Restrooms...Small shops...some entertainment for kids and most of all  kindly request TV channels to only relay patriotic songs and programs and none of the other regular stuff...No mega serial especially...It's pathetic that it should come to this... but what is worse is that we do nothing about that and let that attitude continue....And Govt can also encourage private shops or big brands to conduct these celebrations......Some how unglue our people from the television just for this one day...If we are successful in this we can try the same for Republic Day too...

Child abuse...

30th june 2012
Bangalore,India


Child Abuse : Child abuse is the most horrible thing that can ever happen to anyone...It's a deep shameful thought, which totally lowers the victim's self esteem and confidence... Since the victim are  children (means they are innocent and trust everyone), they are usually not able to understand and rationalize the fact that the animal that is doing this horrible act is at fault... They rather think that it is their own mistake (coming with this guy hoping for a chocolate...chocolate is bad...or mom says so... I shouldn't have desired the chocolate, now it is my fault) is how they think...And half the time they won't report this to a parent because it is very embarrassing for them to speak about this and they really don't want to end up answering why they thought it was good to go with uncle for a chocolate when mommy has said 'no chocolates so many times'...and they think they can deal with this themselves...I know this first hand and never told my mom...At 9, i thought i could handle it and i guess i sort of suppressed it and i thought i have dealt with it well without having to explain things to my mom and she telling my grand mother and the whole family thereby... I felt safe having avoided this man and when the man left from the neighborhood i thought that i have solved my problem...

But I soon developed an aversion for people touching me, especially strangers, even mom and dad, uncle, aunts...It was like a known rule to people close to me...everyone thought i just don't like it and no one guessed an aversion, I 'll never behave voilent if someone touched my i 'll just break myself free smiling and twisting...But i was careful when with friends...I went to a girls school...If a friend wanted to hold my hand
or give a hug i 'll put up with it(I didn't want to hurt my friends' feelings...)..I was very outgoing and social and had many friends and this incident stopped bothering my mind....

Then after college (co ed but you can choose to or  not to talk with boys.. i mingled well with no issues)...
However when i got married the whole game changed, i realized that i where i didn't have problem with boys  my age or my husband whom i loved, i had problem with every adult man(these are men in the house i am married into) in the household.. i would not even sit next to a older man.. my age guys are okay(i didn't feel threatened with my age kids)...and as expected soon enough people began to notice and one day i pushed a person's(he is a good person and with no bad intentions) hand from my shoulder rudely.......And every male and their wives in the family i am married into are mad at me because they think i am implying they have bad intentions...and I honestly don't blame them.... if they knew the reason, they would understand, won't they...
And i clearly have no intentions of sharing my embarrassing history... God knows it's difficult to just write with my face hidden behind the walls of internet....


I am still like that and have overcome some of this... i am embarrassed to tell my husband that i might need help to get over it... I have a daughter whom i never leave alone with strangers.. so i don't go to work... i hope to protect her and be there for her and in case something unfortunate happens, i will know.....and i know what to do...I still have the fear of men and i hesitate to talk and i have years more to live(i guess) and i am worried about interacting with people for my daughter(who is just like me, extremely social)

Why i am writing is there may be parents out there who didn't have this bad experience and who have doubts that their kids might be going through something like this... i want these parents to understand that if they hesitate to take action it will spoil your child's whole life...This may continue as a life long scar if proper counselling is not given at the right time...


1.If you see any uneasiness in your kid's gait, ask them and tell them it is okay to tell mommy             anything...


2Make it a point to discuss your child's day with him or her....You have to open up too..you can talk about your day telling what you did from morning till evening.. she 'll do the same too


3.If your child refuses to go with any person, don't force her and try to discuss the reason with her...like casually starting with y she/he thinks this person is bad....if they express fear or disgust , please quit right there and consult ur child's  pead(Kids sometimes feel more comfortable with someone whom they don't have to encounter everyday after confiding in them and more ever these people are trained)

4.Teach Good and Bad touches....

I am feeling i should write this article after following this news about a French national raping his daughter since 2010 and his wife has been waiting to evidence to get him caught until recently... I understand her attitude that he should be punished but why should the girl suffer all along.. When she comes to know first about this incident, She should not have exposed her daughter further....I am not blaming her...I feel angry that the police is not being supportive to her in this case but i am mad at her too for exposing the

Forgive and Forget......... really...

My case :

Do you find it difficult to forgive people who wronged you from the depth of your heart?You have come to the right place.I had this problem too.It was too difficult for me to forgive people who did wrong by me.Some incident happened in my life.I was wronged.The person responsible agreed it was his/her mistake and stopped doing that.This should be enough for any normal person to forgive this person and carry on with their lives.But me...no.I continued speaking to this person as if that episode never happened.Being polite and kind when i saw him/her in person.So others would think I am a very forgiving person.On the contrary my mind would cling and burn at the injustice done to me.Because of him/her I lost this oppurtunity.Whenever I see this person, after being a polite guest or hostess, at my leisure I just fume in my mind and feel very bad and vent out(as i call it) to my close ones.They tried in vain to make me let go of that issue.Until one day I realised that person whoever did this to me,thinks I have forgiven and forgotten that episode.Now he/she doesn't feel guilty or troubled whenever he/she has to meet me and move along with me.He/she might even think I am a good person.This puts him/her absolutely at peace.He/she is a happy person.

But on the other hand, here I am, troubled.This is not fair.He/she did the wrong thing.He/she is happy.I was the victim.I am still reliving that injustice every time i meet his person.I go through this agony everytime i see this perosn.This is exactly why it is very important to forgive people and let go things.

I earlier used to say " I will never forgive this person for what he/she has done to me and what oppurunity he/she made me loose" as if me not forgiving is very important to him and not to me.But now I realise you forgive some one for your own good not for their sake.This is when I found out that forgiving is not that easy.All the while I have been thinking,"I am not forgiving this person for my own reasons,but if i wanted to forgive him i could do it just like that".How wrong.Then certain things happened to teach me slowly how to forgive.That comes in the next post.

Bannerghatta National Park...

Favorite place of outing for people who live in south bangalore...
It's a good sized place with a good set of animals...
There's a butterfly park and wild safari is available too..
Elephants are there...Thought i doubt it is legal the elephant attendants get money and put kids on the elephants and sometimes elephant safari is available(Safari must be legal)...There's Cheetah.....a small park...and yeah good place to spend half a day or more..Kids will love this place...

Outside the park there are some shops for snacks and drinks...plastic covers are not allowed inside thepark and you 'll get paper bags and be asked to empty your snack(lays,kurkure etc) into the given paper bag and only then 'll be allowed...but not a good pace to have snacks...what with so many smart monkeys...hat shops and kids toy shop.. and some giant wheel and that kind of stuff and a big bus terminus...Really fun place...

But please don't wander off the park into the reserve you might get lost and there are wild animals...in case you want to you can contact jungle lodges and resorts for a night stay...pretty costly...but worth it if you are looking for a unique experience....

Jayanagar Shopping Complex........

I have been in Bangalore for the past 7 years...I love bangalore...not beause of the malls and pub culture here but by simpler places that can make you feel good...better than any mall or pub ever can..One such place is Jayanagar Shopping Complex...Been visiting this place for 7 years now....This is a place where you can actually shop and buy things and not feel a pang in the heart when paying the bill...I used to go to the railway reservation center to book tickets and it used to be so much fun.Never before in my life i thought booking tickets would be so much fun....Coz you get to do the booking and just do a ful round of  shopping...All shops sell things in affordable prices... Just walking around the shops with pooja items,flowers,fresh vegetables,fruit shops,stationary shops,fancy stores,dress shops,baby stores,toy stores........After the shopping you can have some really good snacks here...just sit on the benches facing a busy road and munch on the snacks...I remember going there often with 3 friends, chatting, munching and it is my best memory of bangalore.No cafes or parks can beat this place....

You just come out of the complex and believe me it is not over yet, all roads around the place have really good shops, you can bargain and get something for the half the price(the actual price)...You name it you get it kind of place...There are small shops and big shops as well..You have big hotels and small hotels...

Sweet Foodie memories :

Cool joint used to sell tomato soup for 5 Rs... I should say once upon a time....the best tasting creamy tomato soup....can you imagine 3 packets of good tasting popcorn in bangalore for Rs.10....Yeah not long back just 3 years ago...My friend(she's from bangalore) told me to get a packet of that yummy popcorn and she also added 10 rs...so i took a 10 rupee note from my purse and gave it to the shopkeeper and he gave one and i walkeda back fast then the shopkeeper called me back and gave 2 more packs and i was trying to explain to him how i gave only 10 rs and heared my friends laughing hard at my expense and went to them and didn't expect much from it but the taste was awesome...

There used to be a small hotel kind of place where you get pav baji and chinese food right under the stairs...Awesome pav baji...You can eat there only if you don't think about hygine...Thats okay for me...

I go to malls too...but the smile that is put on your face happens only here...Here you can hear shopkeepers telling you, pick that dress akka looks good on the kid, pick that polish....okay go buy that i 'll throw this in for free.... and they actually talk to you pleasantly(of course to get business done)...Which is so different from the very professional way of trained people asking you...may I help you mam in big brand shops....I prefer the chaos of the smaller shops.....

If you are new to bangalore try this place you 'll get a feel of the city underneath it's pubs and malls....This is real bangalore......

Dowry....

Dowry deaths are one of the saddest reality of our society...

So What is Dowry?

Any property or valuable security given by the bride or groom or their parents to the other party during the negotiations of marriage or marriage or after marriage is considered dowry...

Both giving and receiving dowry is wrong...So is asking for it....

Dowry laws in India :

There are strict laws in India against dowry such as

1. The Dowry Prohibition Act
2.IP Section 406 related to criminal breach of trust
3.IP Section 304B related to death caused by dowry
4.IP Section 498A related to relatives subjecting the married person to cruelty...


Society and Dowry :

So do these laws have any effect at all in our Indian popuation...I would say no.Every parent thinks of giving dowry for their daughter as a big prestige issue and a very important factor for their daughter to live happily ever after.And every father of a son thinks it would be a personal insult to his son and his family if someone offered no dowry to their son....Yeah educated, uneducated, rich, poor alike think in this fashion and what can these laws do if the situation is like this.Do these laws help at all? Yes they do...They come in when a girl is asked for more dowry and the girl's parents cannot afford to give this dowry and the girl is abused because of this....That's when FIRs happen and things get heated and proceed straight...Though it sounds like the law doesn't do much it really plays a very significant part when girls and their parents are out through too much stress.
One more thing is Section IP Section 304B says that if death happens to a woman within 7 years of marriage  the law interferes..But guys demand money when the need arises not necessarily within 7 years...buying a vehicle, buying a home, doing business investments... men need money all the time...

Misused :

These strict laws are misused...Sometimes women use this act to incriminate husbands and their relatives when the actual problem is not dowry too..that's so wrong.....When discards in families become big and becomes a fight, both party are angry at each other for ruining their respective lives...A scorned woman can easily do this...So at the time of marriage things that were given happily as a gift can be called as a dowry in a second...There should be something done about this...May be like a dowry complaint is taken only if it is given within a month of making the transaction...

Best Way out :

Best way out of this dowry issue is the people themselves.Stop taking.Stop giving.Because you give loads of money that guy is not going to be nice to your daughter...he 'll forget the money rt there as soon it reaches his pocket.If he is a decent guy he is going to treat your daughter nice irrespective of the money you give...If not your daughter is better without him...Once this is incorporated in the society and giving stops and taking(not asking) dowry becomes an indecent thing to do, life will be good for everyone involved...And please resist the urge to force your daughter to the first guy whose horoscope matches....minds should match...

Cleaning one room of your house daily....

Cleaning one room in your house daily makes it easier for you when you have company and want to clean...I do it like this...you can give it a try too....works for me....lets see if it works for you and according to the time you have you can select what step you are going to do and what you are going to do...Even if you do one step your house will be one step better so don't worry about not having the time to do everything on the list...just  customize it........

Mondays I clean living room :

1.Change the covers on the divan...
2.Wash the sofa covers...
3.Wipe window sill
4.Wipe the main door
5.Wipe clean the TV,speakers and TV units
6.Give the walls and ceilings a quick clean
7.Vaccum Sofa

Tuesdays I clean the hallway and dining room :

1.Clear the dining room table, wipe clean and shine it with shiner.
2.Clear the fridge,wipe it clean
3.Wipe the window sill
4.Wash the washbasin closest to the dining room table
5.Organize the laundry bin
6.Clear and wipe the oven table...(I have this in my hallway due to lack of space in kitchen)

Wednesdays I clean the pooja room and one room

1.Wednesday is good for washing pooja lamps and items..
2.Wipe clean all picture frames and statues
3.Wipe book shelf
4.Wipe window sill
5.Wipe table
6.Wipe balcony door

Thursdays I clean the Kitchen and guest bedroom :

1.Wipe window sill
2.Wipe down all cabinet doors and draw doors
3.Arrange things neatly in the draws and shelves and make a shopping list whie you are at it
4.Wipe down the stove nicely with warm soap liquid, including behind the stove
5.Change oil containers and wash them
6.Pour hot water in the drain and scrub your sink well

1.In guest bedroom, make the bed, change sheets if needed,check the wardrobe
2.Clean the bathroom
3.Clean the balcony

Fridays I clean the MBR:

1.Change Sheets in MBR(since I have a king size bed changnig sheets is not easy so I put a cover sheet and change that alone daily and change the main sheet once a week)
2.Give the clothes in the wardrobe  a once over and they 'll be neat again
3.Clean baby toys
4.Wipe window sill
5.Wipe bedside table
6.Wipe crib
7.Arrange make up stuff and wipe the mirror

Saturdays I clean the bathrooms and balconies :

1. clean the common bathroom and MBR bathroom
2. Wipe the railings and doors in the balconies
3.Wipe down shoe rack and take hubby's socks for washing...soak them while you are at it
4.Clean the dust bin...scrub well and rinse it off with some dettol added water
5.Wash socks and kitchen clothes(If you use one cloth daily in the kitchen 7 clothes may be)
6.Wash door mats if you feel up to it.

Father's Day Post Dedicated to my Father....

I recently happened to come across a book Strong fathers strong daughters in my house and when confronted my husband confessed to have bought it and asked me to read it and get him some pointers....Can you believe this...So i began reading the book and I could relate with most things as a daughter to my father...The book tells that fathers have to be strict and for being strict your daughters will love you...If someone had told me this before 10 years I would have laughed but now I really feel proud that my father was strict with me.I grew up in a traditional tamil family...My father never allowed me to watch english movies...I have ony watched 2 engish movies until my marriage one is Jurrasic park and the other one is Baby's day out...Of this jurrasic park was played in a friend's house.I  still remember turning to catch my father's eyes once i understood that an english movie was about to be played, and my father nodded his approval proudly(Only now i recognize that it was pride i saw)...Where ever i went during my pre marriage years i had to get my father's approval.It used to feel like i was in jail....But very soon after marriage in some conversation my husband told a friend that i was not allowed english movies in my parent's house. I didn't feel ashamed like i usually did with my friends, instead i felt like i was protected.And after my engagement and before my marriage my sister in law came to my parent's house a couple of times and asked me to go to her parent's house with her.My father strictly said no...I was so mad at him...but soon after marriage i realized that he had had me hold my pride nicely and that it was very very important.

To my father :

I Love my Father.....I have resented my father, fought with him, hurt him at some occasions but I would without any doubt tell that he is the best father........He is the best of best...I have seen fathers of my friends and other fathers over the years...I have seen many fathers who have their daughter's best interest in mind...but some of these fathers failed to deliver but my father did succeed...He is a man of few words whom I owe everything in my life...He truly knew how to make me feel like a princess...We didn't have much growing up and I realize that only now when i am out of his wings...He never ever made me feel less than a princess not for a moment....I don't feel comfortable sharing this with him...He's not that into cards and gifts.I am just letting the whole world know.Happy Father's Day Pa...........I love you so much.....
My Mother's father is a great father too...whatever he was he was a great father...And i know this good man who is my daughter's father who is striving every moment to be the best father any girl will ever have...Good luck and best wishes to him too...

To all Father's :

Being a father is a unique experience.It's incomparable.Enjoy Fatherhood...Happy Father's Day...

Doddamallur...

I am really not a temple person but i love visiting this Navaneedha Krishna temple in Doddamallur.I like Tirupati  temple and after that i like this temple.God here is Aprameya Swami , Aravindavalli thayar  and  Navaneedha Krishna...Temple is open from 8 to 12.30 in the morning and 5.30 to 8.30 in the evening.
First time I visited this place I was trying to have a child and one good friend of my father and father in law took us to this temple.I was really cynical.I thought what is one more temple.We visited this place and now this is one of place i want to visit again and again.Takes one and half hours from bangalore.If you happen to start early in the morning, you can go to bidadi for the famous "thatta idli"...Spongy soft idlis served with butter served with chutneys and the go to the temple.Here if you are praying for baby you are not supposed to tie a "thottil" and pray.You pray first, you get and then go back with baby to give the thottil.Ambegal(Krishna in crawling pose with one leg lifted up)Krishna is a mesmerising sight.I want to see and see and see him.The feeling of peace you get in the place is something very few temples provide.Atleast it is like that for me.I get the same feeling in Tirupati just near the God itself  and Meenakshi temple in Madurai when sitting near the lotus tank and Subramanya Swami temple in Thiruparankundram near the God....No where else i have sensed that tranquil feeling...If you choose a saturday and stay till you can have food in Narayana Sevai....Or there is kamat Nivas and nice places nearby for food....You can go back home or go to Mysore from there...