30th june 2012
Bangalore,India
Child Abuse : Child abuse is the most horrible thing that can ever happen to anyone...It's a deep shameful thought, which totally lowers the victim's self esteem and confidence... Since the victim are children (means they are innocent and trust everyone), they are usually not able to understand and rationalize the fact that the animal that is doing this horrible act is at fault... They rather think that it is their own mistake (coming with this guy hoping for a chocolate...chocolate is bad...or mom says so... I shouldn't have desired the chocolate, now it is my fault) is how they think...And half the time they won't report this to a parent because it is very embarrassing for them to speak about this and they really don't want to end up answering why they thought it was good to go with uncle for a chocolate when mommy has said 'no chocolates so many times'...and they think they can deal with this themselves...I know this first hand and never told my mom...At 9, i thought i could handle it and i guess i sort of suppressed it and i thought i have dealt with it well without having to explain things to my mom and she telling my grand mother and the whole family thereby... I felt safe having avoided this man and when the man left from the neighborhood i thought that i have solved my problem...
But I soon developed an aversion for people touching me, especially strangers, even mom and dad, uncle, aunts...It was like a known rule to people close to me...everyone thought i just don't like it and no one guessed an aversion, I 'll never behave voilent if someone touched my i 'll just break myself free smiling and twisting...But i was careful when with friends...I went to a girls school...If a friend wanted to hold my hand
or give a hug i 'll put up with it(I didn't want to hurt my friends' feelings...)..I was very outgoing and social and had many friends and this incident stopped bothering my mind....
Then after college (co ed but you can choose to or not to talk with boys.. i mingled well with no issues)...
However when i got married the whole game changed, i realized that i where i didn't have problem with boys my age or my husband whom i loved, i had problem with every adult man(these are men in the house i am married into) in the household.. i would not even sit next to a older man.. my age guys are okay(i didn't feel threatened with my age kids)...and as expected soon enough people began to notice and one day i pushed a person's(he is a good person and with no bad intentions) hand from my shoulder rudely.......And every male and their wives in the family i am married into are mad at me because they think i am implying they have bad intentions...and I honestly don't blame them.... if they knew the reason, they would understand, won't they...
And i clearly have no intentions of sharing my embarrassing history... God knows it's difficult to just write with my face hidden behind the walls of internet....
I am still like that and have overcome some of this... i am embarrassed to tell my husband that i might need help to get over it... I have a daughter whom i never leave alone with strangers.. so i don't go to work... i hope to protect her and be there for her and in case something unfortunate happens, i will know.....and i know what to do...I still have the fear of men and i hesitate to talk and i have years more to live(i guess) and i am worried about interacting with people for my daughter(who is just like me, extremely social)
Why i am writing is there may be parents out there who didn't have this bad experience and who have doubts that their kids might be going through something like this... i want these parents to understand that if they hesitate to take action it will spoil your child's whole life...This may continue as a life long scar if proper counselling is not given at the right time...
1.If you see any uneasiness in your kid's gait, ask them and tell them it is okay to tell mommy anything...
2Make it a point to discuss your child's day with him or her....You have to open up too..you can talk about your day telling what you did from morning till evening.. she 'll do the same too
3.If your child refuses to go with any person, don't force her and try to discuss the reason with her...like casually starting with y she/he thinks this person is bad....if they express fear or disgust , please quit right there and consult ur child's pead(Kids sometimes feel more comfortable with someone whom they don't have to encounter everyday after confiding in them and more ever these people are trained)
4.Teach Good and Bad touches....
I am feeling i should write this article after following this news about a French national raping his daughter since 2010 and his wife has been waiting to evidence to get him caught until recently... I understand her attitude that he should be punished but why should the girl suffer all along.. When she comes to know first about this incident, She should not have exposed her daughter further....I am not blaming her...I feel angry that the police is not being supportive to her in this case but i am mad at her too for exposing the
Bangalore,India
Child Abuse : Child abuse is the most horrible thing that can ever happen to anyone...It's a deep shameful thought, which totally lowers the victim's self esteem and confidence... Since the victim are children (means they are innocent and trust everyone), they are usually not able to understand and rationalize the fact that the animal that is doing this horrible act is at fault... They rather think that it is their own mistake (coming with this guy hoping for a chocolate...chocolate is bad...or mom says so... I shouldn't have desired the chocolate, now it is my fault) is how they think...And half the time they won't report this to a parent because it is very embarrassing for them to speak about this and they really don't want to end up answering why they thought it was good to go with uncle for a chocolate when mommy has said 'no chocolates so many times'...and they think they can deal with this themselves...I know this first hand and never told my mom...At 9, i thought i could handle it and i guess i sort of suppressed it and i thought i have dealt with it well without having to explain things to my mom and she telling my grand mother and the whole family thereby... I felt safe having avoided this man and when the man left from the neighborhood i thought that i have solved my problem...
But I soon developed an aversion for people touching me, especially strangers, even mom and dad, uncle, aunts...It was like a known rule to people close to me...everyone thought i just don't like it and no one guessed an aversion, I 'll never behave voilent if someone touched my i 'll just break myself free smiling and twisting...But i was careful when with friends...I went to a girls school...If a friend wanted to hold my hand
or give a hug i 'll put up with it(I didn't want to hurt my friends' feelings...)..I was very outgoing and social and had many friends and this incident stopped bothering my mind....
Then after college (co ed but you can choose to or not to talk with boys.. i mingled well with no issues)...
However when i got married the whole game changed, i realized that i where i didn't have problem with boys my age or my husband whom i loved, i had problem with every adult man(these are men in the house i am married into) in the household.. i would not even sit next to a older man.. my age guys are okay(i didn't feel threatened with my age kids)...and as expected soon enough people began to notice and one day i pushed a person's(he is a good person and with no bad intentions) hand from my shoulder rudely.......And every male and their wives in the family i am married into are mad at me because they think i am implying they have bad intentions...and I honestly don't blame them.... if they knew the reason, they would understand, won't they...
And i clearly have no intentions of sharing my embarrassing history... God knows it's difficult to just write with my face hidden behind the walls of internet....
I am still like that and have overcome some of this... i am embarrassed to tell my husband that i might need help to get over it... I have a daughter whom i never leave alone with strangers.. so i don't go to work... i hope to protect her and be there for her and in case something unfortunate happens, i will know.....and i know what to do...I still have the fear of men and i hesitate to talk and i have years more to live(i guess) and i am worried about interacting with people for my daughter(who is just like me, extremely social)
Why i am writing is there may be parents out there who didn't have this bad experience and who have doubts that their kids might be going through something like this... i want these parents to understand that if they hesitate to take action it will spoil your child's whole life...This may continue as a life long scar if proper counselling is not given at the right time...
1.If you see any uneasiness in your kid's gait, ask them and tell them it is okay to tell mommy anything...
2Make it a point to discuss your child's day with him or her....You have to open up too..you can talk about your day telling what you did from morning till evening.. she 'll do the same too
3.If your child refuses to go with any person, don't force her and try to discuss the reason with her...like casually starting with y she/he thinks this person is bad....if they express fear or disgust , please quit right there and consult ur child's pead(Kids sometimes feel more comfortable with someone whom they don't have to encounter everyday after confiding in them and more ever these people are trained)
4.Teach Good and Bad touches....
I am feeling i should write this article after following this news about a French national raping his daughter since 2010 and his wife has been waiting to evidence to get him caught until recently... I understand her attitude that he should be punished but why should the girl suffer all along.. When she comes to know first about this incident, She should not have exposed her daughter further....I am not blaming her...I feel angry that the police is not being supportive to her in this case but i am mad at her too for exposing the
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